1,000+ word essay re tao lin’s ‘piece’
Me: tao lin is giving away free copies of his books if you write a 1,000+ word essay on his essay about that staring contest lady
Henry: Dude I will write an essay
Henry: It will be cool. What the prompt?
Me: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2010/marina-abramovic-the-staring-woman-at-moma/
you have to just write about this i guess
Henry: This is a pretty good essay
Me: yeah i love tao’s writing style
Henry: Its so great. I love the saga of attempting to “stare at this bitch ass ho
Me: hahaha yeah
Me: i wanna live in NY so bad
“sick art scene bro”
Henry: Yeah seems cool, but honestly I kinda think Maria Abramovic is kinda bullshit
haha. His life sounds so cool/ ridiculosu
Me: i knoooooo
Henry: Okay. I’m gonna do that
I like coke. I like art and I like being satirical
I’m set.
You should too
We really need to party more
Me: huh
Henry: San Francisco PARTYYYY!
Me: good essay
now i’m gonna write mine i guess
Henry: I’ll write mine too. It’s time to do stuff
I’ll be back on later
Me: F’sho
So, I finally got to the end of the essay and I wondered if it was meaningful that “1,000+ words” led to pretty much no traditional climax. It was literally only the saga of “attempting to stare at this bitch ass ho”.
Then I realized that if I want a free book I have to write a “1,000+ word” essay. Considered just copy and pasting “you will never read this.” x1,000.
Thought it was strange that you mentioned going to White Castle, “but didn’t eat anything”. Wondered if it has to do with the “brooklyn vegan scene” or something. Like people would be “mad p.o.’d” if they read that without the side comment.
My writing style is pretty shitty, so I apologize if this “shit sux”. I’m still talking to Henry as I type this. We’re comparing essays.
How do I feel about Maria? Feel like we need a “bitch ass ho” like that in los angeles. We have reality TV stars that are kind of performance art-y, if you’re an optimist. Heidi and Spencer are performance artists, in my opinion (youtube them if you want). Kind of like the staring bitch, but more stealthy. Art like that isn’t blatant. What the eff does that mean. I don’t know, but I’m just “tripping”. I’m pretty sure. Or have a fucked up world-view.
If I stared at her, I wouldn’t cry/be dramatic. I’d stare back and probably pick out all of her ugly features because I’m from los angeles and that’s what we do here.
After that I’d figure out which features of her weird euro-bitch face were ugly in an “endearing way”. Basically convincing myself that I’d have sex with this “artsy cougar bitch” in the back of MoMA mad high on mexi-cali yayo.
“100% pure yay, bro”
Me: dang, I only have 481 words
Henry: man I only have 372
My friend sent me a video of the chiropractor he’s interning for. The chiropractor looked nervous and then my friend said “he’s kinda hack-ey”. Idly thought, “all chiropractors are kinda hack-y”. I would never tell my friend that because he wants to be a chiropractor and thought it would hurt his feelings or something. Like his ambitions didn’t matter/weren’t meaningful. Relevant to staring woman in next paragraph.
It’d be cool if I could be a staring bro. That would be more meaningful than working in an office to me. Typical college-kid-about-to-graduate “bullshit”.
You will never read this x1,000
I think I’m starting to understand what you’re trying to do. It’s difficult to write 1,000 words about “basically” nothing.
Feel like this is clever and definitely adds to the experience of having read your essay.
I wonder if I’m the only “dumbass” who was bored/stupid enough to follow through with this “challenge”.
Did you know I reviewed your book on Amazon, too? I got the dick Yates page and stickers today. Thanks, that was very cool. I feel kind of stupid for liking an author. Strangely would feel less stupid if I was doing this for free concert tickets or a CD or mp3 download or something. Guess writing isn’t “hip” or something.
Have you seriously never taken acid? I think I’ve taken too much acid. Like 3 times in one week. Think that mentally prepared me for all artsy bullshit. Even the staring bitch. That bitch ain’t real.
Me: r u srsly gonna finish it? (re essay)
Henry: yeah
Its starting to get interesting
Me: nice
Starting to get sort of bored, going to put on some music. Some patti smith or something.
So I’m staring at this Microsoft word document. It’s about 800 words right now.
Does a 1,000+ word essay validate your essay?
Does a 1,000+ word essay validate Maria ‘the staring bitch’?
Does a flickr validate the visitors of ‘staring bitch’?
Me: is tao lin’s essay even 1,000 words?
Henry: I dunno
In the essay and in your twitter you mention taking adderall and now I wonder if you genuinely have ADD/ADHD or if you just take adderall to partie/work/partie…
Jozsef: kevin
is 9000 yen a lot
Me: no
$97
Tao Lin is an artist. Writing is just one of his mediums. I enjoy his art. His essay made me laugh.
I’m writing an essay, not necessarily a good one. The flow sucks “dick/vagina/butthole”.
Wonder if Tao Lin would ever chill with me. Think I’d be intimidated by the “artist”. I’m being an ass. Hanging out with someone you only know of is probably more daunting than staring at some bitch in a museum, to be honest.
Feels awkward just thinking about it.
I was going to buy shoplifting from American apparel, but it was $15 and I was going to shoplift it, but I’m not “punk rock” enough or something. Then I went home and looked at the price on Amazon.com. It was $10, I think. Then I was like damn. Books are a “fucking luxury”.
So I’m hoping this essay gets me a copy of Bed or SFAA. 1022 words, by the way.
