My Top 5 Emotions/Feelings of 2011 (From Most to Least)
1. Depressed
Looking back on 2011, I was very depressed. I didn’t celebrate Halloween. I didn’t celebrate New Year’s. I was working a lot. I was living alone. I wasn’t used to the lack of sun. There were a lot of homeless people around me. In meetings, people always asked what everyone’s plans for the weekend were. I would just let other people answer. I had nothing to say.
2. Stressed
People working in offices take their jobs very seriously. Emails and IMs need to be replied to quickly. Things have to be “buttoned-up”. It’s uncomfortable. There was a lot of money involved. Clients seemed like parents. 40-50 hours a week is a lot of time. I am not Type-A. I don’t need a perfect score. Formatting can be inconsistent. $1,000 isn’t a lot to me, in the context of $3,000,000. I don’t like stressing other people out to get things done.
3. Fat
Truffle french fries with garlic aioli. 8 ounce rib cap wagyu steak. Duck confit spring rolls. Kalua pig with butter lettuce cups. Kobe beef burger with a fried egg, pineapple slice, giant onion ring, a slice of spam, and gravy. I ate a lot of American food in 2011. I felt fat all throughout. After moving to the Mission, I ate a lot of burritos and tortas. I need to learn how to cook.
4. Confused
So many things to be confused about in 2011. Is this job right for me? What am I doing with my life? Am I an asshole? Is she out of her fucking mind? Why do I suck at making friends? I thought this kind of shit ended with puberty. Apparently, not for me. I felt confused often. I’d be staring at my Outlook, replying to people with a very fake, very happy and enthusiastic tone and I would question my existence. I would stare out at the shitty grey and cold weather of SF and question what was keeping me there. I don’t think this will change, not soon.
5. Satisfied
On paper, 2011 was a very good year for me. 23 years old, fresh out of university with a bachelor’s in economics, landed a nice job in a field of my choice, living in the city, making enough money to live comfortably. Of course there were things missing… Things that are necessary for a life filled with happiness and not just things… But, I still felt satisfied. I felt like an eligible bachelor or something. I felt like maybe, now I can work on other things that are more important.
